And my return

So it's been a few months since I last updated my journal. I'm finding that today I need to write a few of my thoughts down and clear out my mind. A bunch of things have been weighing on my mind right now.

work at Equinox is proving to be very good but just a LOT of long hours. I'm working just at the Wall Street location and no longer at 2 locations. Things are challenging at times but manageable. I enjoy my staff and find them rally great. I'm overworked a lot so I have to remember to not just hide out in the office but to actually get out there and breathe. Balance is the word that I find most challenging.

My life seems a bit out of wack right now. David and I are doing very well but a few weeks ago, I hired a lawyer to handle a bit of work for me. It turns out that he's a gay lawyer and very good at what he does. We began working together and I was very taken aback by his flirting. Long story short, I fired him. I haven't done anything inappropriate but my thoughts sometimes wander everytime we speak. I'm torn because david and I are good together. We don't fight. He's an amazing man but I find myself wondering if either of us could be "happier." We're so different in so many respects. We just seem to have very limited things to talk about. This makes me very sad. Sad and guilty for feeling the way I've been feelings. The lawyer and I always seem to have a lot of things which we talk about and "going deep" doesn't seem to be a challenge. Sometimes we end up on a very dark and heavy subject without really trying. My head is confused and my heart aches so badly when I remotely think about David. I'm just trying to get by from day to day and allow things to sort themselves out one step at a time.

Am I being fair to myself and my relationship? Sometimes I have to wonder. I'm not one to cheat so that's not an option....

sigh. I just needed to see my thoughts in writing I suppose.

A